Just deal........

My two favorite words, good thing I don't play cards! HA!! Anyway............What a crappy day...
It started out okay...well except for the negative temperatures and the awful wind. The sky was clear and the sun was out. The day went exceptionally well...until I picked the children up from daycare. That is when the day decided to go from OK to why did I even get out of bed this morning? I had a class so I can take over as the Treasurer for the BN FRG. I like to be involved I figured this was a good opportunity. Well on our way to the class, the children decide that they are going to forget to tell mommy that they need to go potty. We get to where we are supposed to be and they have soiled themselves.......yippee fricken skippy!!! So I didn't go to the class, I came home. On my way home I call my mother and my friend. Now while I need to hear "put on your big girl panties and deal" every once in awhile, I did not need to hear it tonight. I just wanted to vent. I just wanted to take my frustration out on someone other than the kids. I just want to cry. I know I am not alone, but the frustration of doing everything alone just gets to a girl sometimes.
I just wanted to be frustrated about the laundry, that never goes away no matter how hard I try. I wanted to be angry that I can't call him, or see him, or touch him. I want to be angry that he isn't here to make it all better, he isn't here to be my sidekick to make me laugh when life is just hard. I just want to miss him.
I know I am not alone on this journey. I am just lonely.....I have friends and I love them. They inspire me, they make me laugh, they make me cry and they make me mad, but they are still my friends and I know they are a phone call away......but I want my partner......my friend.....my confidant. I get him in small increments of time now. Sometimes that phone call just doesn't get you to the next phone call........................
Waking up everyday to the other half of the bed still being made because no one has slept there. Waking up with a sigh instead of a smile because you have so many things to do and you don't know where to start.
Going to bed exhausted...sleeping because you have to, but never really getting a good nights sleep. Going to bed alone.........................laying there wishing he was next to you.
I want my friend home.....that is all I want. I know no one can bring him home for me....I know no one can ease the loneliness that is there while he is away. I just want him home.............