Where did you come from??

I often joke that God lets us choose our friends because he chose our family for us. I think I have been proven wrong....yet again...funny how God has a way of doing that.....
With our move to Colorado Springs from Ft Hood, I knew that another deployment was imminent. It was not a matter of "if" but a matter of "when" he would be on his way to the "sandbox".
When the big day arrived the kids and I found ourselves surrounded by acquaintances. Not to many people to call when things got to hairy for us. Low and behold there was a plan in the works....little to any one's knowledge except the Big Guy himself.
An invitation to a party and sheer curiosity led to being introduced to some pretty awesome women. While we each have our own quirks, we mesh pretty well. From the party to a lunch date, then an invitation to a be a part of a beautiful wedding. From the wedding to meeting another great group of people. People that could easily be me and Allen. Just trying to make in the crazy Army life we live. Now I don't often admit when I am wrong, so everyone better write this one down!! LOL Even though it seems like we choose our own friends I think there is a greater power that should take the credit for all of the people in our lives. There is something for each of us to learn from every person that we cross paths with. Whether they have made the same choices as us or VERY different choices. I know I would be lost without every single person that I choose to call my friend and privileged enough to call family.
As 2009 comes to an end, I just want to say I look forward to seeing all of you next year!!!! I am sure it will be another GREAT adventure!!!!

Faith

Where does patience come from? Where does the strength to put one foot in front of the other come from? What gives us the drive to smile when all we want to do is cry?? I sometimes wish I had the answer to those questions. All I can say is the ability to carry on must come from faith. Faith in something or someone higher than yourself. I found myself bone weary on Saturday. Absolutely exhausted after spending two days in the hospital with a sick child. As we left the hospital I was on the phone with Allen. The nurse looked a little perturbed that I did not hang up when she went in for me to sign the discharge papers. I signed them and she went for a wheelchair to escort Allyson out. When she returned I was still on the phone, she had the same perturbed look. I finished my conversation with Allen, assuring him that all was well with his baby girl and we were on our way home. I must have sighed or made a noise as I hung up the phone, since the nurse asked "are you ok?" I responded with "yes, that was my husband. He is in Afghanistan."
She looked at me and asks, "how long has he been gone?"
"Since September" I reply
She says "I don't know how you girls do it."
Before I could think of how to answer, I hear myself say, "Faith"
"Faith in something higher than yourself, faith in what he is doing out there, faith that he will be safe, faith in yourself"
Is that all it takes is faith? I think so. I know for me I wake up everyday and I am thankful that I am alive. I am thankful that my children are healthy. I am thankful that no one called in the dead of night. I am thankful that no one knocked on my door the day before. For those that are not military...let me explain something. Most people welcome unexpected visitors. As a military wife with her husband in a combat zone, unexpected visitors and unexpected phone calls are not welcome. They can spark fear, dread, and anxiety in seconds. I remember when we lived in Collinsville, TX (before Anthony was born) I made everyone use the side door! Just so if they knocked on that door I knew it was someone I wanted to see. There are no easy days during a deployment. There are good days and there are bad days. The good days are the ones where you don't want to cry at any given moment. The bad days are when you are so lonely you can't sleep. The good days are when you find something to be happy about. The bad days are when you check the phone 12 million times to make sure it is working.
On a good day you can say, wow we are getting through this pretty fast. He will be home before we know it.
On a bad day all you can think of is the last time you kissed him. I see it like it was yesterday. He strapped the kids back in the truck, hugged them and kissed them all. He walked around the truck to where I was standing. Wraps his arms around me says "I love you babe!" He put his hands on my face and then he kisses me goodbye. I hug him one last time, then he walks to the jeep, and they drive away......
Sometimes I wake up and I swear he is in bed with me. I can hear him breathe. I can feel his body close to mine....then I realize it is all just a dream. Most times it isn't even the sex you miss. It is the intimacy you have with your partner. The quiet time to go over the day and what tomorrow might bring. A chance to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around your children. To just sit in read or watch a movie. To enjoy the quiet of the house once the kids are in bed and sleeping.
So when things look like they are to tough to handle....have faith. Things will get better if you just believe................

What a weekend

WOW December has been quite a month at the Hughes household!!! Oh my oh my!! There have been good things and there have been bad things. I am not even sure where to start.......
I know one thing is for sure.....God sure does provide all you have to do is ask. He has surrounded us with the most giving and beautiful of people. From strangers to friends. As Christmas gets closer all I can say is that I am truly thankful for what he has provided for us.
Although there are times when it is all quite overwhelming it is good to know that there are people around that are willing to share the load.
Thursday evening Allyson came home complaining of a tummy ache. I was babysitting for a friend and played it off. I fed everyone supper, gave the little people a bath and started the bedtime fight. When she got up from the couch she doubled over in pain. She had a look that said "I do NOT feel good!!!" So I take her to the ER. Where we sit for two hours before they take us to a room. By this time they had taken a urine sample, they figured a UTI is all she had. The Dr comes in checks her out and reads her labs, her urine is clean. She is still in a great deal of pain so they decide they are going to start the process to check for appendicitis. This includes putting a line for the IV and drinking a contrast solution so they can see all of her little insides on a CT scan. While the IV was a challenge in itself, getting her to drink the contrast was the real battle. She gets half of it down and then throws up all over the bed and herself. They give her an anti nausea med and we try again. She gets a little bit more down and then pukes all over herself and the nurse. What a lovely night. The Dr decides to run the CT without the contrast. The CT comes back negative. No inflamed appendix, no blocked bowel, no bleeding in the intestine, it really didn't show anything at all other than healthy body parts. So they want to release her to go home. Now here is a 5 yr old child, she is pale, shaking with pain, she has an elevated white count and she is scared. They have NO idea what to say is wrong with her and I am freaking out. I haven't talked to Allen yet and my mind is a mess. The Dr checks her again and decides that there is something wrong with her, but she will have to be admitted. Ok, now we are getting somewhere. They take her to the pediatric wing and we wait for the Dr to come in. He checks her out and says we are going to keep her until Saturday. We want to grow her cultures and see what we have. Right now we need to get her to drink as much fluid as we can. This will help with whatever she has. So the fight begins. Allyson wants nothing to do with anything to eat or drink. She is VERY pale and in LOTS of pain. They finally bring her some pain meds and she finally goes down for a nap. Meanwhile I have had NO sleep, I haven't seen the other kids since Thursday evening. I truly have the greatest people in my life.......I have found a friend that doesn't hesitate to help out and strangers that stepped in to take over and make sure everything else was taken care of. There are no words to express how truly grateful I am to everyone that stood with us this weekend. The thoughts, the prayers, the well wishes and the support is truly unbelievable.
Even though Allen is in Afghanistan I know we are taken care of by people that love us. I hope he knows how well his family is looked after by the great Army family we have found.
Saturday afternoon finds us home and in better spirits. Allyson has a viral infection in her adenoids and lymph nodes.....Nothing a little bit of rest and fluids can't handle. All is well in the Hughes household again.
Sunday, dawns even better than Saturday. French toast for breakfast...oh yummy. Then it all goes downhill from there. I get the laundry put away and Anthony decides he wants to use the laundry basket as his boat. Well he rocks it just a little to hard! CRASH!!! He busts his head, not only does he give himself a good goose egg....he opens a good gash and bleeds all over the place!!! All I can think of is GREAT back to the ER!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Well I clean him up, stop the bleeding and Dr it myself! No sense in wasting money on 3 stitches when I have butterflies in the first aid kit!!!! Besides scars add character!!!!
I really think I am in need of a break. Not just a day off. I need a week off of nothing but me. No kids to worry about, no dogs to feed, no dishes to wash, no meals to clean, no laundry to do, and my husband safe at home, so I don't have to worry about him.
I love my family....but weekends like this, I wonder if it is all worth the stress. Then I get a hug or a kiss and it makes it all worth while!
I am just happy that Allyson is back to normal. Anthony's head will heal. Abigail seems to be over the asthma thing. Allen is still relatively safe. I am healthy. And I have AWESOME friends.

Just deal........

My two favorite words, good thing I don't play cards! HA!! Anyway............What a crappy day...
It started out okay...well except for the negative temperatures and the awful wind. The sky was clear and the sun was out. The day went exceptionally well...until I picked the children up from daycare. That is when the day decided to go from OK to why did I even get out of bed this morning? I had a class so I can take over as the Treasurer for the BN FRG. I like to be involved I figured this was a good opportunity. Well on our way to the class, the children decide that they are going to forget to tell mommy that they need to go potty. We get to where we are supposed to be and they have soiled themselves.......yippee fricken skippy!!! So I didn't go to the class, I came home. On my way home I call my mother and my friend. Now while I need to hear "put on your big girl panties and deal" every once in awhile, I did not need to hear it tonight. I just wanted to vent. I just wanted to take my frustration out on someone other than the kids. I just want to cry. I know I am not alone, but the frustration of doing everything alone just gets to a girl sometimes.
I just wanted to be frustrated about the laundry, that never goes away no matter how hard I try. I wanted to be angry that I can't call him, or see him, or touch him. I want to be angry that he isn't here to make it all better, he isn't here to be my sidekick to make me laugh when life is just hard. I just want to miss him.
I know I am not alone on this journey. I am just lonely.....I have friends and I love them. They inspire me, they make me laugh, they make me cry and they make me mad, but they are still my friends and I know they are a phone call away......but I want my partner......my friend.....my confidant. I get him in small increments of time now. Sometimes that phone call just doesn't get you to the next phone call........................
Waking up everyday to the other half of the bed still being made because no one has slept there. Waking up with a sigh instead of a smile because you have so many things to do and you don't know where to start.
Going to bed exhausted...sleeping because you have to, but never really getting a good nights sleep. Going to bed alone.........................laying there wishing he was next to you.
I want my friend home.....that is all I want. I know no one can bring him home for me....I know no one can ease the loneliness that is there while he is away. I just want him home.............

As the snow falls.........................

So I counted the weeks.......he has been deployed for 10 weeks............wow!! Has it really been that long?? Some days it feels like he left yesterday. Take Friday.....I reach into the closet and pull out a long sleeve tshirt....go to pull it on over my head and smell him all over it. All I could do was cry! Oh I miss that smell. The smell of my man getting home from work, his smell as he gets out of the shower, his smell as he shaves for the day. They say the sense of smell is the strongest of all the senses...I would have to agree. Amazing how a smell can take you back to a memory that occurred years ago. Like when he first started kissing me goodbye, for the day, after he had shaved......the smell of his shaving cream, gives me that loved feeling I have when he is close enough to kiss. Ten weeks have passed and I still wake up wishing he was next to me. Ten weeks and the nights are still lonely. Ten weeks and I still cry in the shower. Ten weeks and I still get asked the same question...Momma when will Daddy be home? Ten weeks and my heart still hurts like the day we dropped him off. The tears don't come as often, but I catch myself having to take a deep breath every morning to keep them at bay. Life continues to progress...even with my best friend so far away. The sun comes up and the sun goes down.....the kids and I play the same game everyday. We find ourselves without him yet we continue to find ourselves getting on with everyday. I find myself coming home at the end of the day still expecting him to be on his way home so I can share how my day went......I get home and the house is empty......amazing how the mind works.
I am thankful for the people that I have surrounded myself with. Although our situations are unique, we have a bond. We take care of each other, we lean on each other, we fill a gap that is left when our guy has to leave, we make room in each other's hearts to stay there when they return. As the countdown marches through the Christmas season, I am grateful for the extended family we have found. I know the kids feel the same way. Un dia la vez.....

Scrooge who??

So the Christmas season is upon us. I do not like Christmas. I haven't liked it for a very long time. I am not a scrooge, I like to give people things I think they will like. I like to have people over for a big meal and some laughs, maybe a glass of wine. I don't think we should see decorations out until Thanksgiving, radio stations shouldn't play Christmas music until Dec.
But when more of your childhood Christmas' were ruined because someone had to much to drink or decided they had better places to be than with the people they claimed were the most important in their lives. You kind of lose the rose colored glasses and see the holiday season as something to be avoided. Oh and I have heard it all, you need to get over your child hood, you need to be happy for the kids, blah blah blah blah. Well there are some things from being a kid that I have gotten over. I think this will take a little bit more time.
As of right now, the tree is up and is kind of decorated. The moon and the stars did it so the whole bottom has decorations. The top is kind of lacking but I think it gives it character. Santa and Mrs. Claus' laundry is hanging up, the stockings are up, wrapping paper bought, gifts bought, and I am considering buying a wreath.......
That is as good as it is getting this year. If anyone one wants more they are going to have to come over and do it themselves. Maybe next year the hubby will convince me that it is worth getting all geeked up over........until that day this is all anyone will get for Christmas................

**sigh** wow another week has started....Why does time fly by so fast? Wouldn't it be nice if we could hold on to certain moments longer than the blink of an eye that they last?? Like the moment your child tells you " I love you momma!" Or how about that moment when the little ones finally go to sleep and the house sighs a sigh of peace? My favorite moment I wish I could hold onto is the moment your child falls asleep in your arms. When they take that breath that takes them from wakefulness to sleep. Their face takes on the glow of an angel and all is right with the world. My moon climbed into my lap on Saturday and says "momma hold me...." I pull him into my arms and he laid his head on my chest. Little hands in fists as he squirms to get comfortable. Not five minutes later he is fast asleep. All I could do was watch as his chest went up and down as he slept. I think back to the day they told me those easy breaths were not so easy for him. I look at him and see the helicopter that took him from the small hospital where he was born to the much larger hospital in Ft Worth, TX. I watch him breathe and thank God that these breaths come easy for him now. I see him climbing on the chair, to find chocolates with his impish grin on his face. Knowing if he gets the chocolates the punishment will be well worth the punishment he will receive.
I am thankful for this beautiful little person. He has yet to meet a stranger. Everyone is his friend and every lady he meets gets a kiss when she leaves his presence. I see his daddy in him more and more each day. The way he eats, the way he sleeps, the way he loves his family. This boy child of mine will always be close to my heart. My little moon.....he won't always be little but I think I will always see him as a curious toddler, loving everything and everyone around him and never leaving a rock unturned..............

Our Flag....

This story starts last Tuesday. While on our way to the monthly FRG meeting the kids and I just happened to hear the first notes of retreat. I know the kids have heard this before, since we are an Army family. Of course this is usually just an ordinary part of the day.....until the kids saw the flag detail lowering the flag as we drove past. (yes you can drive on Ft Carson during retreat) The fact that they were taking the colors away was greatly upsetting to them. They did not understand why they were taking it away. Today as we drove past on our way to the commissary, they all wanted to hear the music for the flag. Of course it is a little bit early, so I explain that we will have to wait for about fifteen minutes before it happens. If you have children you know 15 minutes is an eternity, especially in a vehicle. Today, though, they all sat and waited for retreat to sound. This made me think of my days as a Soldier. When I would check my watch to see if I could make it to my vehicle in time so I wouldn't have to pay my respects to the stars and stripes. and here say my children on a cold November day in awe of the small ceremony signifying the end of the day and respect given to our stars and stripes. As young as they are they are very curious and very intuitive. They could see the few Soldiers on the detail as well as a few that had been on their way somewhere, saluting as retreat was sounded. When retreat was over and we got ready to leave, my oldest says, "that was very beautiful, we should come and respect every day." All I could think was WOW!! Here is a 5 yr old child and she sees this symbol as more than just a flag. I imagine she sees this as a symbol that some day her Daddy will be home. If only more of us were as innocent as children. If only more of us could see the beauty in our history and our symbols of freedom.................

Beautiful things....

WOW another weekend has come and gone....It takes so long for them to get here and then they are gone in the blink of an eye.
This weekend was a wonderful weekend. Friday ended with a house full of groceries for Thanksgiving week and practice for a very beautiful wedding. Saturday dawned bright and sunny and only got better as the day progressed. I got to talk to a friend that always has something to say worth laughing at. Scary how much alike we are.....I wonder where my father was when she was born!! LOL hmmm or maybe I should wonder where her father was...........hahaha. I managed to get the kids dressed and fed by 5 pm. I was not ready to step out the door, but at 5:15 I was dolled up and ready to go! Off to a the wedding!! woohooo Love is a beautiful thing when it is shared in front of friends. Saturdays service was no exception. Pat and Sara made a beautiful couple and their love was very apparent as they exchanged their vows. A great big thank you to them for including all of us in their special day! After the ceremony we had munchies and danced holes in our shoes!! I brought three very happy and tired little people home!
Sunday was fun too. We started with cartoons and cereal, gotta love Phineas and Ferb!! LOL Then some cleaning and football....woohooo For dinner we had our great new friends over for steaks. Pat did an excellent job with the grill!!! The steaks tasted great! I need to get the marinade recipe from Sara.
This weekend has truly been a weekend of blessings. Got to talk to my hot sexy man!! Which is always good. He sounds like he is doing very well out there. Working hard but doing ok. I don't like that I only get to talk to him sporadically, but at least when I do he is in good spirits and doing well. We are down to 6 more months of being apart!! We can get through this! Just one day at a time....un dia la vez. The kids and I have met so many people that have become our extended family, not sure what we would do without all of you guys!!!! Looking forward to meeting new friends this week.......

The season of Thanks......

How often do we sit and realize just what we have in our lives? How often do we look beyond the material aspects of our life? As a person I know I don't often look past those things.......The last few weeks I have done quite a bit of soul searching to see what should I be thankful for....
Of course there are the best things in life...the health of my children, husband and extended family. I am thankful that I have a husband that loves me and accepts me for who I am. Beyond that...I am truly thankful to those that have given the ultimate sacrifice. I am thankful for those that gave themselves so that my children may have the chance of freedom. As a Soldier in my heart, since not in the flesh, it hurts my soul to hear of another brave soul lost to the enemy. To those that they leave behind.....know that you are not forgotten. Know that your loss is not in vain. Know that the principles they died to protect live on in those that believe in them....
To my fallen comrades in arms.....THANK YOU! It is to you that I dedicate this Thanksgiving to. It is because of you that I am able to live the life I live!

Let's call it what it is...................

I have been quiet about the mass shooting at Ft Hood. I have let my opinions sit and stew, but I just can't keep them bottled up anymore.
Were there mistakes on the Army's part, allowing Hasan to continue to serve? Yes. Were there mistakes in letting him counsel battle fatigued soldiers? Yes.
However, the bottom line is: There is no one to blame for the heinous crime Hasan committed, except Hasan. DO people really believe that he would have let his radical Islamic beliefs sit after being discharge from the Army. In my opinion, NO! He would have found a way to accomplish his mission of killing and maiming American Soldiers. This man did not target high ranking officials that sit in an office and plan what others will do. This coward planned to attack the Soldiers that would be going to fight his extremist beliefs. This was an attack he planned and carried out with the hopes of being hailed a hero by other extremist believers. While I do not understand the Muslim faith in its entirety, I do know that it claims to be a religion of peace and tolerance. Yet, every atrocity that has occurred at the hands of a Muslim extremist has been violent. Let's look back and see how peaceful these extremist really are:
1979
Nov. 4, Tehran, Iran: Iranian radical students seized the U.S. embassy, taking 66 hostages. 14 were later released. The remaining 52 were freed after 444 days on the day of President Reagan's inauguration.
1982–1991
Lebanon: Thirty US and other Western hostages kidnapped in Lebanon by Hezbollah. Some were killed, some died in captivity, and some were eventually released. Terry Anderson was held for 2,454 days.
1983
April 18, Beirut, Lebanon: U.S. embassy destroyed in suicide car-bomb attack; 63 dead, including 17 Americans. The Islamic Jihad claimed responsibility.
Oct. 23, Beirut, Lebanon: Shiite suicide bombers exploded truck near U.S. military barracks at Beirut airport, killing 241 marines. Minutes later a second bomb killed 58 French paratroopers in their barracks in West Beirut.
Dec. 12, Kuwait City, Kuwait: Shiite truck bombers attacked the U.S. embassy and other targets, killing 5 and injuring 80.
1984
Sept. 20, east Beirut, Lebanon: truck bomb exploded outside the U.S. embassy annex, killing 24, including 2 U.S. military.
Dec. 3, Beirut, Lebanon: Kuwait Airways Flight 221, from Kuwait to Pakistan, hijacked and diverted to Tehran. 2 Americans killed.
1985
April 12, Madrid, Spain: Bombing at restaurant frequented by U.S. soldiers, killed 18 Spaniards and injured 82.
June 14, Beirut, Lebanon: TWA Flight 847 en route from Athens to Rome hijacked to Beirut by Hezbollah terrorists and held for 17 days. A U.S. Navy diver executed.
Oct. 7, Mediterranean Sea: gunmen attack Italian cruise ship, Achille Lauro. One U.S. tourist killed. Hijacking linked to Libya.
Dec. 18, Rome, Italy, and Vienna, Austria: airports in Rome and Vienna were bombed, killing 20 people, 5 of whom were Americans. Bombing linked to Libya.
1986
April 2, Athens, Greece:A bomb exploded aboard TWA flight 840 en route from Rome to Athens, killing 4 Americans and injuring 9.
April 5, West Berlin, Germany: Libyans bombed a disco frequented by U.S. servicemen, killing 2 and injuring hundreds.
1988
Dec. 21, Lockerbie, Scotland: N.Y.-bound Pan-Am Boeing 747 exploded in flight from a terrorist bomb and crashed into Scottish village, killing all 259 aboard and 11 on the ground. Passengers included 35 Syracuse University students and many U.S. military personnel. Libya formally admitted responsibility 15 years later (Aug. 2003) and offered $2.7 billion compensation to victims' families.
1993
Feb. 26, New York City: bomb exploded in basement garage of World Trade Center, killing 6 and injuring at least 1,040 others. In 1995, militant Islamist Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman and 9 others were convicted of conspiracy charges, and in 1998, Ramzi Yousef, believed to have been the mastermind, was convicted of the bombing. Al-Qaeda involvement is suspected.
1995
Nov. 13, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: car bomb exploded at U.S. military headquarters, killing 5 U.S. military servicemen.
1996
June 25, Dhahran, Saudi Arabia: truck bomb exploded outside Khobar Towers military complex, killing 19 American servicemen and injuring hundreds of others. 13 Saudis and a Lebanese, all alleged members of Islamic militant group Hezbollah, were indicted on charges relating to the attack in June 2001.
1998
Aug. 7, Nairobi, Kenya, and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania: truck bombs exploded almost simultaneously near 2 U.S. embassies, killing 224 (213 in Kenya and 11 in Tanzania) and injuring about 4,500. 4 men connected with al-Qaeda 2 of whom had received training at al-Qaeda camps inside Afghanistan, were convicted of the killings in May 2001 and later sentenced to life in prison. A federal grand jury had indicted 22 men in connection with the attacks, including Saudi dissident Osama bin Laden, who remained at large.
2000
Oct. 12, Aden, Yemen: U.S. Navy destroyer USS Cole heavily damaged when a small boat loaded with explosives blew up alongside it. 17 sailors killed. Linked to Osama bin Laden, or members of al-Qaeda terrorist network.
2001
Sept. 11, New York City, Arlington, Va., and Shanksville, Pa.: hijackers crashed 2 commercial jets into twin towers of World Trade Center; 2 more hijacked jets were crashed into the Pentagon and a field in rural Pa. Total dead and missing numbered 2,9921: 2,749 in New York City, 184 at the Pentagon, 40 in Pa., and 19 hijackers. Islamic al-Qaeda terrorist group blamed. (See September 11, 2001: Timeline of Terrorism.)
2002
June 14, Karachi, Pakistan: bomb explodes outside American consulate in Karachi, Pakistan, killing 12. Linked to al-Qaeda.
2003 1
May 12, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: suicide bombers kill 34, including 8 Americans, at housing compounds for Westerners. Al-Qaeda suspected.
2004
May 29–31, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: terrorists attack the offices of a Saudi oil company in Khobar, Saudi Arabia, take foreign oil workers hostage in a nearby residential compound, leaving 22 people dead including one American.
June 11–19, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: terrorists kidnap and execute Paul Johnson Jr., an American, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. 2 other Americans and BBC cameraman killed by gun attacks.
Dec. 6, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia: terrorists storm the U.S. consulate, killing 5 consulate employees. 4 terrorists were killed by Saudi security.
2005
Nov. 9, Amman, Jordan: suicide bombers hit 3 American hotels, Radisson, Grand Hyatt, and Days Inn, in Amman, Jordan, killing 57. Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility.
2006
Sept. 13, Damascus, Syria: an attack by four gunman on the American embassy is foiled.
2007
Jan. 12, Athens, Greece: the U.S. embassy is fired on by an anti-tank missile causing damage but no injuries.
Dec. 11, Algeria: more than 60 people are killed, including 11 United Nations staff members, when Al Qaeda terrorists detonate two car bombs near Algeria's Constitutional Council and the United Nations offices.
2008
May 26, Iraq: a suicide bomber on a motorcycle kills six U.S. soldiers and wounds 18 others in Tarmiya.
June 24, Iraq: a suicide bomber kills at least 20 people, including three U.S. Marines, at a meeting between sheiks and Americans in Karmah, a town west of Baghdad.
June 12, Afghanistan: four American servicemen are killed when a roadside bomb explodes near a U.S. military vehicle in Farah Province.
July 13, Afghanistan: nine U.S.soldiers and at least 15 NATO troops die when Taliban militants boldly attack an American base in Kunar Province, which borders Pakistan. It's the most deadly against U.S. troops in three years.
Aug. 18 and 19, Afghanistan: as many as 15 suicide bombers backed by about 30 militants attack a U.S. military base, Camp Salerno, in Bamiyan. Fighting between U.S. troops and members of the Taliban rages overnight. No U.S. troops are killed.
Sept. 16, Yemen: a car bomb and a rocket strike the U.S. embassy in Yemen as staff arrived to work, killing 16 people, including 4 civilians. At least 25 suspected al-Qaeda militants are arrested for the attack.
Nov. 26, India: in a series of attacks on several of Mumbai's landmarks and commercial hubs that are popular with Americans and other foreign tourists, including at least two five-star hotels, a hospital, a train station, and a cinema. About 300 people are wounded and nearly 190 people die, including at least 5 Americans.
2009
Feb. 9, Iraq:A suicide bomber kills four American soldiers and their Iraqi translator near a police checkpoint.
April 10, Iraq:A suicide attack kills five American soldiers and two Iraqi policemen.
Overwhelming isn't it?? 30!!!!! years of extremists proving over and over and over that they are violent and will do anything in their power to alter the way of life we have as Americans. They don't want our way of life, they want to destroy it. Why can we not see that? Why does it take an act of murder on an American military installation for us to see this? And why do we continue to point fingers at everyone except the perpetrator??? Not one person gave him the gun and told him to go kill innocents. Hasan decided on his own what his actions would be!!!!!! Therefore he should receive every consequence there is. And where in the world does Obama get off asking for an investigation of the events leading to this?? What needs to happen is a trial!!! Then an execution. (I could think of a few other things where Obama is concerned but for now let's focus on the matter at hand!)
I spent four years in the Army, not once did I ever harass an Major for his lifestyle choices. I highly doubt that this man was harassed to the point to no return. He chose to commit this selfish act and should pay with his life. He took 13 lives into his hand and ended them. He altered to many lives to count. He solidifies that those with extremist beliefs want to take American lives. It is time to wake up and call this act of violence what it is: an act of terrorism!!!!
May God be with the families of those killed and wounded in this senseless act of violence. Let there be justice and let's not let them have died in vain.

oh my!! Oh my!!!

So many things in my head..............where to start.....let's start with yesterday...........oh my oh my oh my. My thoughts and prayers go to all of the extended Army family in Texas. May God be with you during this trying time. No one knows the motive behind this spineless, selfish act. May God have mercy on his soul. To my friends that are still at Ft Hood......I am so happy you are safe.....To all those that will be sifting through the mess this individual has caused, may you have a steady heart and hand and may you figure out the whys so that families can have closure....and so we can ensure that this does not happen again.



When I heard of the acts of violence on Ft Hood, I was overwhelmed with apprehension. My first deployment family is out there. Soldiers and families that we bonded with and grew to admire and respect were directly in harm's way. It is one thing to know what your Soldier does...it is a whole different thing to imagine an entire BN in harm's way. At a place that is supposed to be a safe haven. It was very unnerving. Yet at the same time all I could think was....."Thank you for letting us leave there!!" There is no telling how different our lives would be right now, if we still lived in the Ft Hood area. RELIEF!!


So many emotions, it is hard to sort them out. How does something like this happen? Why does something like this happen? What gives someone the desire to kill innocent people? As I continue to read and see the coverage on this tragic event, my heart hurts. I see the partial list of victims and I see babies, young boys that had barely begun to live. Taken by a coward who was afraid to stand up and be a man. Then to hear that he was picked on and harassed. First of all he was a Major in the United States Army!! A damn Major....I don't know to many people that routinely pick on those above them. Second of all this individual was highly educated. This was not a kid off the street that was afraid of going to war. This was a grown man with an agenda, his own agenda. All I can say is we have a beautiful justice system, that I believe in whole heartily. He will have his day....and he will be dealt with accordingly.
To hear people defend him and claim that he had his own issues to deal with. That he was against the policies that the US has established, makes my blood boil. He did not commit this crime to save himself. He took these innocent lives, to protect radical Islam. This was an individual that targeted those that his religion condemned. I have no pity on him. I hope he gets what is coming to him. Whether in this life or the next.

I pray for all those that were in the midst of this tragedy. I pray they find peace. I pray they find the strength to go on. For those that have to clean up the mess this man made....may you find solace in the evidence you find. May you believe in the justice system. Believe in your selves that there will be closure for all of us affected.

It is time to end the blame game. There is no reason or any person to blame but the perpetrator of these acts!! It is time to hold individuals responsible for their behaviors. It is time to put those to death that kill for the joy of killing. It is time to use our justice system.

Who took my cape?

Well I was finally starting to deal with this whole deployment thing. The waiting to hear from him is still killing me. But we had established a groove......
Then Tuesday I came home from biology class feeling a little under the weather. My little Moon wasn't feeling so hot on Tuesday either. So Wednesday him and I hung out at home. Thursday the weather was awful so it was family day....all four of us were home. I continued to get worse. My cough picked up..I would sneeze at every turn. It was lovely. The kids destroyed the house and I camped out on the couch. Yet I only got worse.....I hauled my big butt into the ER.......
Isn't it lovely how as a mother, when you are sick, you have no energy to feed yourself...yet you must summon the internal strength that got you through every labor pain, to ensure your children have eaten. Where does that strength come from? As a religious person I would say it is God's gift to mothers.
The ER was probably the best place for me. They gave me an IV and some toradol. I actually felt better, I was able to eat and I got a good night's rest. Friday has proved to be less fruitful. I got the kids off to daycare. It was PJ day!! YIPPEE
I sat around all day and waited for my Mr. to get online...he didn't. But at this point in the game. No news is good news. Isn't that what I am supposed to tell myself? Funny thing is my head understands that but everything else is wound up tight. I decided to sleep the day away!! It felt good. Now it is bedtime...two down....one to go!!! She will crash in a few!! LOL
The good thing is, is there are so many wonderful people in my life right now. I hope I can one day do for them, what they have done for me. Without them, this cold would seem like Mt Everest.
Halloween just does not seem to be our holiday...last year all three kids were sick. Daddy fixed it though...he bought them a movie and some candy and we all camped out on the living room floor. Giving me a break I desperately needed that week. Now here I am with all the weight on my shoulders.
Super woman could not do the things we as Army Wives do. We hold it all together.........why? Wouldn't it be so much easier to let it all go? How much easier would life be right now if I did not have to shoulder this? I notice that I can not even call it a burden........In my heart it isn't. It is just something I do. I keep the home fires burning so he has a safe place to come home to. Why? Because I love him. Because he is my friend. Because I know he would do the same for me. He did not ask me to do this. We decided together that this is the life we would have. I can ask him to ask for a safer job.....but would he really be happy? Would he be satisfied with that?
I can only imagine the stress he is under.....living in fear for his life and the way of life for his family. Yet, I wonder if he understands what goes on at home. Does he feel how much we love and miss him? Does he know we wake up each morning and thank God no one has knocked on our door. Does he know how it breaks my heart to hear his children cry for him? I wonder if he knows just what goes into running this family.....................and sometimes I wonder if he appreciates just what I do for him..............

Who needs a closet??

Oh what a day! Good thing it is almost over....
Woke up to the world outside covered in snow.....awe how pretty!! It really was beautiful.......got the kids to daycare and off I went on my little hike....not sure how far I walk but boy it hurts when I get done....I really hope it is at least 3 miles....although I really don't think it is that far! LOL Got home and got some homework done....which is what I should be working on now but I am too distracted.
So the dam has broken.....the numbness and shock has faded and has been replaced with tears, sadness, and frustration! The realization that we are going to go 8 months without seeing our guy. I know that 8 months is better than 12 and way better than 15 but dammit!! I want him home! I want him to hear him say at the end of the day that everything is going to be ok. I don't want to have to close my eyes and imagine him here with me. I don't want to walk into the closet and see all his clothes just there....like he is going to walk through the door any minute and change into his favorite shorts and tshirt. That is what broke the dam...I walked in to grab a sweatshirt and there is all his stuff....his favorite shoes, his baseball hats, a pair of sunglasses.....just waiting, like me.....for someone to come in and make them feel alive again.
I feel like I am just going through the motions....like everything is auto pilot. There is no room for spontaneity, everything has to be planned just in case something happens and I need to call someone.
I don't want to hear something funny and not be able to call him and tell him how funny it was. I am so tired of living around my computer HOPING that he will get online so that I know he is alive and safe. I can't turn on the news or the computer without a headline begging to be read....just to add to my fears.
I am tired of having to hold back tears and be the strong one for my baby girls as they cry for their daddy. How do I reassure them that he is ok, when I don't even know for sure? Tired of watching the clock to see if he might be online because of the time. Then being frustrated and angry that he didn't get online and he didn't call and I sat at home all day doing nothing. Not that there is really anything for me to do or anywhere for me to be. Since all of my friends are either at work or in another state. Because once again...the minute we found people we liked and enjoyed being around the PCS rug was pulled out from under us and we had to move to a whole new state!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to be MAD at him, I want to yell at him, and I pray that he calls so I do just that!! So I can give him a piece of my mind about how stupid I think deployments are....Then the phone rings and all I can think of is how happy I am that he is safe and calling home. The sound of his voice erases all the frustrations and I wouldn't be able to tell him I was mad at him in a million years!! The void that is carried everyday is filled with just the sound of his voice...and for 15 minutes all is right in the world.....then he has to hang up and that void opens up bigger than ever. And it hurts so much to tell him goodbye....but I don't cry....I have to be strong....for him, for the kids, for his mom, and for myself. I have to be the Atlas of our family. Balance the world on my shoulders, so no one thinks that anything is wrong. No wonder I am tired. but who else is going to do it? I sure do not see the masses rushing in to pick up the pieces that fall on the floor when he is sent away.

Let's just smile! :D

Another good day. I had procrastinated long enough on this whole Halloween thing. The kids and I went shopping today for Halloween costumes. And of course we have to look at anything on sale! LOL I am not dressing up this year...it is just silly to chase three kids while dressed as a bottle of ketchup. I am still trying to decide what to do next weekend. Since Halloween is Saturday and my birthday is on Monday. The plan is to head to NM to hang out with my mom AKA "Grammy!" Ha I know she never thought she would be called Grammy! The name does not fit her at all!! LOL But she fits the mold very well. These monsters can do no wrong in her eyes! Little does she know what heathens they truly are! Ha!! Of course it all depends on the weather....I am sure not driving in the snow!
While we didn't get to talk to our Soldier today, I did get to chat with him yesterday. He seems in good spirits and it sounds like he is working hard. I wish I knew for sure just "what" he is doing. I guess I will just call it "Soldier stuff"! I put a box in the mail for him. I guess he is getting cold at night since he asked for a blanket. He sure wouldn't be cold if he was in my bed! (hee hee!)
Several things to look forward to in the coming weeks....Monday Night Football @ Invesco Field! Bring on the beer!!!! A trip to Breckenridge, Co, for Thanksgiving....maybe i will try my hand at skiing...or would that be, try my feet at skiing?? LOL The end of another vicious semester! This one is sure kicking my butt. Not sure what the plan is for Christmas. I will have some time off, maybe I will volunteer with the USO or at the VA hospital. Those are two groups I truly believe in. The kids and I might go somewhere for Christmas....anyone know of somewhere warm we can go for cheap??
Almost time for the UT game! Hook 'em Horns! Lets go for 7 and 0!!!!

My Moon and my Stars....

Last night was an adventure in mommy land......Let's get some back ground covered. My husband and I are parents to three wonderful children. All of whom are under age 5. There is never a dull moment at our house. Which at times can be everything from wonderful to crazy!! well last night was a CRAZY!! My oldest child decided it was her mission to be on dog patrol. We have a 4 month old yellow lab. His name is Duke....yes we named him for the hot Army guy on GI Joe!! LOL Anyway she is on her dog patrol mission when she realizes that he has wandered upstairs to the FORBIDDEN zone. The master bedroom. It is off limits 1) it is upstairs, 2) that is OUR space. No toys, no kids. They rule the rest of the house. I didn't see her go upstairs....but oh boy I sure saw her come down. I hear a blood curdling scream and here she comes DOWN the stairs head first. Well as you can imagine I FREAK out! She lands on her head with a thud and her body flies over her! I rush to her...all three steps it took to get to her. (the longest walk of my life!) I get to her she is conscious and aware and as white as a sheet of paper. I call the ER and they say "call an ambulance." I did not call the ambulance but I did take her in. She was in a great deal of pain and pretty frazzled. They rushed her in put her little neck in a collar and evaluated her. Because she was in pain they did a CT scan of her head and neck. She is FINE, thankfully. She gave me a good scare and I think she scared herself pretty badly as well. I was calm, cool and collected the whole time. Until I got home and then I realized that she could have been really hurt and as a mother, that really frightened me. We are all better now...once again calm, cool and collected.
And now onto little man....this child is a light at the end of the tunnel. He is happy and funny and lovable. He is like a small bear. Rough and rugged. Always trying to ride the dog like a horse. Soft and cuddly always ready to climb in a lap for a hug or a kiss or to get you to wrestle with him. Well he has taken a shine to my dress shoes. (the poor boy is surrounded by girls) He calls them "glass slippers" as do his sisters. This morning as I was dressing he walks out of my closet wearing my silver heels. Just looking as at home in them as he does in his little John Deere boots. I couldn't help it, I had to laugh. Now his Daddy would not be happy that he can actually walk in those shoes! and his feet looked kind of cute!! hahahahaha.....I traded the glass slippers for some goofy slippers and my husband's manhood can stay in tact. When lil man got to the bottom of the stairs (with my help of course!) he removes his slippers and throws them at his sisters to initiate the sibling war that is a constant on my living room floor.
Now add this to yesterday.....When he bit his older sister because she had "his" purse!! ROFL He was mad his purse had all of his important things, his cars and his blocks.....we have to protect the things that we enjoy having around.
My moon and my stars....the three things that light my life when the world is a little bit dark. They are my reason for putting a smile on my face. They are the reason I can laugh everyday.
My little heroes......the ones that always know when momma needs a hug, even if she doesn't think she does.

How do you feel today??

I don't even know how I feel today................How often can a person say that?? and what brings someone to say something like that? Isn't that what we are taught...to feel? What does it mean when you can't decide what to feel...or how to react to not really feeling anything??
I want to be mad! Mad that the life we have chosen as a military family leaves us all lonely. I am not the only one that is lonely...he is lonely, our children are lonely, heck I even think my goofy dog is lonely. As we sat down to dinner the other night, my oldest child tells me......we aren't a family without Daddy. DAMN!!! What do you say to that?? Is it true? are we not a family? Is that what him being gone does? Does it destroy us?? I would like to think not. How do I reassure this little person that we are in fact a family? How do I tell her that something in her Daddy makes him want to help people. We all know no one joins the Army to be a rich man!! And no one marries a Soldier thinking they will bask in the glow of silver in gold......How do I make her see that one day she will be reading about Soldiers in a history book? and that her Daddy is part of a legacy that is centuries old....How do I tell her that we are a family? Even though I feel the same way. Our family is not whole without him at the table, or on the couch or even just down the street. There is an aching hole left in all of us that only he can fill.
I want to be mad that the Army has taken my friend.....the one person that will tell me if my butt looks fat in my jeans...ok so maybe he won't because all he heard was "look at my butt!!" My very best friend is somewhere out there doing a job that I have no idea what it entails. My best friend...that I can't call anytime I want to just to hear his voice. My best friend that holds me when I just want to cry. The best friend that steals the covers and wonders why I sleep on his side of the bed! HAHA
I want to be sad.....sad that I am all alone. Sad that I get to spend another birthday, anniversary, and Christmas season with the kids. Sad that I will get to see them open gifts and stuff their face, while he is somewhere dangerous. Sad because I have to call his mom and tell her he is ok....even if I really don't know. Sad that someone ringing my door bell scares the hell out of me. Sad that when I see a Soldier with his family, I am envious! Sad that when I see a group of buses escorted by MP's I want to cry.
When we were at the airport waiting for our plane to board to Hawaii.....there were several Soldiers returning to duty after their R&R. I remember one family that we saw. I am not sure if Allen ever saw them or if I pointed them out. It was a young Soldier, his wife and a baby. I remember looking over and I see him cradle this child in his arms. I see his unshed tears as he kisses the baby's forehead and hands her back to her mother. The Soldier and the wife embrace......and she holds onto him as if she will never let go........he pulls away...they are calling his flight.......he turns to walk away and she just stands there.....until she can't see him anymore. As she turns to walk away I catch her eye.............and all I see is pain and love.......What do you say? That you are sorry? Or that you know how she feels? Or thank you? That she has the strength to watch him get on that plane....that she has the strength to carry their family through while he is gone.
But I can't be either of those things. I have to get up everyday and look at the world and try to find the happiness...because "when he gets home, it will all be worth it."
Really will it?? Do the powers that be truly see what we as an Army family go through? Do they see the tears of sadness and anguish that fall from a wife's eyes? Do they feel the heartbreak of a mother's heart when she hears her child cry for the Daddy they haven't seen in weeks? Do they understand the fear of a father that his oldest child may not return to care for his family? Do they understand the sorrow of a Mother as she watches her grown child put on that uniform and board the plane for a destination she has only read about? Do they see the exhaustion at the end of the day?
I think my driving force through all of this is the strength I see in Military families. I know that it is not easy to wake up and know he has to go away. There have been so many people in my life as an Army wife that have given me strength and wisdom to be able to be who I am. From the laughs in Leavenworth, KS to the bottle of wine at Ft Hood, TX. And the fries @ Dairy Queen after the Soldier show. Oh and the late night pool dunks!!! (ROFL) And not to mention our Tuesday all you can eat Pizza Hut nights. Oh good times! Those people have given me the strength to get up everyday and try to find the good and the happy with who I am and where we are in our lives.
Deep down I know that somewhere, someone is benefiting from the presence of the US Military. I understand that we must help those who can not help them selves. I am a believer in Justice and Freedom. I have never known what it is like to be oppressed or belittled for my beliefs. I pray that there is never a day that Americans will ever learn what being oppressed is all about.
I can't even cry at this point...three weeks into it and I haven't shed a tear. I have been on the verge of tears and I cried the day he left............where does all this go? Will it erupt the next time I am at the commissary and Little Billy is crying for a soda? Or when I get to daycare and see a Soldier there with his child?
How do I know that what I feel is normal? Is it normal to be numb? How do you find the beauty of a sunny day when all you see is gloominess?
I want to be happy...I want to be joyful.....I want to be content.....How do I get there? How do I find myself while he is gone?? How do I breathe without him??
I guess I just have to get up everyday and see what it has brought to me................

My son ate my homework!!!

Ok so he really didn't eat it! But he might as well have. I am an over achiever and a classic procrastinator....haha what a combo huh?? LOL I am currently working on silly classes for my Criminal Justice degree. I have my associates but to get my bachelor's I need "educational" classes....science, math, another English and a couple of history classes. I am basically in limbo between a community college and an University! Again thanks to the Army!! LOL But it is all good it has given me plenty of life experience.....On to my story..............
I have been working on my essay for history for two weeks. I finished it yesterday.....all I had to to was type it up and submit it! Well that is until my SON, the MONSTER, child decided it would make a better piece of ART!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I can see some of it but most of it is colored with various colors of marker and crayons not to mention the holes he poked in most of the papers!!! I really wanted to be mad at him but I just couldn't. It is my fault I left the notebook where he could reach it! And you would think after two years I would have learned to keep things HIGH out of his reach!!! So now I have to salvage what I can and redo the rest.
On another note............I talked to my honey today.....a much better conversation. Even so far away he knows my moods........**sigh** I love that guy! Our daughters call him their Prince Charming!! or Big Poppa...(we have no idea where it came from......but it is hilarious, especially if you have ever seen my husband!!! LOL) He is kind of a Prince Charming, well except the shining armor has been replaced with ACU patterned armor, he carries a semi automatic rifle instead of sword and his trusty stead is an up armored humvee!! I can picture him in my mind all decked out in his serious Army guy suit and it makes me laugh. The best picture of him, in my mind, is him at the beach, while we were in Hawaii.......Laying back on a lounge chair, in swim trunks and a smile...............not a worry in the world. Oh good times!!!
We have decided that a family trip, once a year, is what we are going to do for our "big" Christmas thing. While the kids do not understand it now, eventually they will. Our three kids are so spoiled...they have everything they could possibly want or need. We think that we need to show them what family is. While there may not be a Hawaii trip every year, we are going to take time to go somewhere, just the 5 of us. No computer, no phones, and as few distractions as possible. The week we spent in Hawaii was absolutely AMAZING. No one could call, our phones were off. No laptop to distract anyone and no cable TV. 6 days of just us........awe the memories.
The holiday season will be a little bit lonely but we will get through it all.....Hopefully the weather will cooperated here in Colorado and the kids and I can go to Breckenridge for Thanksgiving. Not sure what the plans will be for Christmas. I have an idea but not sure how far I want to take it.
Now to get ready for the FRG meeting tonight...we are getting ready to stuff goody bags for our Soldiers in Afghanistan. Then it is home for baths maybe a little bit of TV and of course the ever present homework.......

Shopping!!

Well I just have to put this down on paper before my head explodes!!!!!
So I am on a WalMart boycott. For the simple reason that most of their staff is rude!!! Off to Target I go!! Woohooo...I have started a new habit of taking my ipod when I go shopping. Keeps me from wanting to scold other peoples children, well I left it in the car.....BIG mistake.
I do my shopping, I find what I went in for and some stuff that I didn't LOL funny how that works out! ha!! Off to check out....and here is where the fun starts..........................There are two ladies in front of me. One of them is obviously upset and had probably been crying. As I get closer I see that she is crying......her husband has just left for Iraq. Oh boy we all know how that hits. As we stand in line, I can over hear the conversation they are having. The lady tells the crying lady....."oh it isn't that bad, Bob goes out of town all the time for business and I do fine!!" HOLD THE PHONE!!! WHAT???? Did she just compare a deployment to a business trip???
Now if you really know me...you know that I am either about to lose my mind or I have already said something. Today she was spared my wrath...........for low and behold the lady behind the register had overheard the conversation as well...................and she says, to the crying lady......"it is hard but you will get through it...with faith, good friends, and a whole lot of wine!" (I thought the wine part was great! LOL)
She turns to the business man's wife and says, "hun do you sleep with the phone under your pillow while he is away? Do you stop breathing when the door bell rings? Do tears come to your eyes when you hear taps or the Star Spangled Banner? That is the difference between your husband's business trip and her husband's deployment." Of course the business man's wife had nothing more to say!!
I was speechless. The words the checkout lady used were so much nicer than what I would have said to the business man's wife. But hey that is just me!!!

So tonight I will open the bottle of wine I have and say a toast...to faith, good friends and to all those strangers and friends that are walking the same mile I am!!!!!!

what to do??

Oh so many things on my mind......
where to start??
Awe we shall start with two weeks ago...I know a blog should be done daily for it to have the greatest effect...well I barely remember half the things that NEED to be done much less my blog! LOL
So Lil Bit decides she is going to be sick.....not just a little bit sick but SICK!!! Which is so much fun since I am doing it all alone again. So no sleep for three days...she seems to be better...we go back to the normal routine and BAM sick again.....with the fears of the H1N1 virus and her asthma I am starting to freak out.....then I realize she only got sick after I let her have milk after her temp came down. So the new question would be....is she lactose intolerant?? Of course what else could it be? Off to the Dr again on Fri. (Is it bad when the pediatricians staff addresses you like you are old friends?) LOL Sure enough she is lactose intolerant. No milk products for missy! We have started her on Lactaid milk to see if it is the sugar or the protein in milk that is making her sick. So far so good, it seems it is the sugar in milk and not the protein. Keep your fingers crossed!! added to the asthma she has, now we have to watch for severe allergies since all of these things seem to walk hand in hand. Poor Lil Bit, she is my one that has to have all of the health issues!!!
Now I am trying to deal with the communication with my husband. Or the lack there of............They have moved him from one FOB to another. He claims he is happier there than the other place. I have no idea since I have no idea what was going on anyway. He gets online for 10 mins a day and I am supposed to be happy with that. While I know I should be but umm really he works on a computer...he can't send a damn email?? Or write a letter? When he calls he wants to talk about football....I guess since I LIVE for football on the weekends. (you sense the sarcasm there don't you!!) LOL What really aggravates me is it is ALL about the Soldier. Funny how people just see the family as being there. The Soldier gets everything. The NFL cheerleaders go shake their asses for them...Where are the Chip n Dale dancers?? Why can't they come and shake their ass at me for free?? I don't want them for anything but a good laugh, but come on...what is good for the goose is good for the Gander!!! Where is my laundry staff?? Where are my R&R days so I can gather myself and get ready for the rest of the deployment? Where is my ceremony telling me what a great job I did while at home dealing with EVERYTHING?? Eh so today I am a little bit bitter. You can not tell me that I am the only one that has ever felt like this. While I give the Army credit for trying to get some things for the family right they still have a long way to go. Until the Army makes the programs truly for the Soldier and the military family, much easier to access and use there will always be problems.
As an Army wife, you get to sit back and listen to people that are against everything the one you love believes in. You have to bite your tongue just so you don't shove theirs down their throats. Because you know that humility is what makes you the better person. Then you have to go home and listen to your babies cry for their Daddy, and you know you don't have the words to comfort them. All you can do is sit there and hold them while they cry in your arms. And your heart breaks over and over again.
Then you get the phone call you live for. Regardless of the time, you get excited that the phone is ringing and it is the voice you love on the other end. All your problems go out the door. They are safe and alive and calling home!!! What a day! So you spend 15 mins on the phone talking about nothing that matters at all because that is what HE wants to talk about. And heaven forbid we talk about the real issues like the water heater leaking and how much it will cost or how Lil Bit is doing, or that the truck is making a funny noise. No we talk about insignificant things so that the Soldier doesn't stress. And people wonder why military wives are a little on the odd side!!!! Or why sometimes it looks like they fell out of the pj tree and all we own are sweat pants and ratty tshirts!!!!! Ugh do I feel better now?? not sure ask me later.......................................

Deployment #2

So here we are.....me and the kids. It is almost 11 pm. Thankfully all three of them are sleeping...for now. Yet there is still so much to get done before I get to sleep.......
3 days into our second deployment. Yes I said "our" he gets on the airplane and I pick up the responsibility of everything at home the yard, the house, all three kids, and everything that decides to go wrong. I am not bitter.....although sometimes I want to be. Especially after days that never end. It is only Wednesday and I am exhauseted. I still have the rest of the week. And let's not talk about the weekend.
I thought I was good til today We've done this before and for a longer period of time. And bam out of left field it hits...the why should I do anything? Not like he is here to appreciate it anyway. **shrugs** The woe is me week has started. Feeling like at any moment if someone says the wrong thing you might just melt into tears. Going on post is almost painful since there is a good chance you will see someone wearing the uniform you are so used to seeing walk through the front door. Praying that the phone rings......checking the phone to make sure it works....checking and rechecking your email to see maybe just maybe he sent you an email.
Then there comes the evening....dinner to get done, baths to be given, goodnight hugs and kisses.....then the question that hits the heart everytime it's asked..."When is my daddy coming home?" and all you can say to those big sad eyes is "soon baby soon."
So the dishes get done and the laundry gets thrown in the washer or the dryer or the floor...whatever is most convenient at the time......you carry yourself upstairs to bed.....you could sleep for a year..........if only your mind would let you. You lay there as still as possible...maybe just maybe if you think real hard...you can hear the sound of his breathing or the touch of his hand on your face...or the feel of his kiss as he tells you good night. But all you can hear is the prayer you say everytime he has to go away...."Please God keep him safe from harm let him come home to us." and all you can feel are your tears as they roll silently from your eyes.
So here we go on our second journey through the deployment world......let's see how it all unfolds....until next time