What is envy?

Is it envy? Is it jealousy? I don't know what it is.......................all I know is that I feel guilty for having the thoughts that I do.
I get up everyday, I dress the kids, I take them to daycare, I get to school, I pick them up, I get them fed, I get them bathed, and I get them to bed. In the midst of all this there is laundry, housework, homework, dogs to be fed, groceries to be bought, bills to be paid, sick kids to comfort....and I do it everyday. In the background there is the silent pleading with the phone...ring and be him.....ring and be him.....ring and be him......
Then the phone rings and all you can do is sigh, it's him...he's safe......he's alive......he's well. All he tells you is that he is bored and that they can't decide which movie to watch on their shift. And you think..."he's ok, that is all that matters" "HE'S ALIVE!!"
Then you get off the phone and reality hits all over......he is in a combat zone bored (which is a good thing) and you are home........with EVERY responsibility BOTH of you are supposed to shoulder. Yet he is somewhere in the world BORED!! and you are home, with all the worry and the responsibility. And you can't help but think.....When do I get a break?? When does it get better? When does it get easier to deal with? When does it get to the point that you can deal with him being so far from home? Does it ever get easier?
What makes it worse? The fact that you are all alone? Or that it seems like he gets to only be responsible for himself??
Who the hell knows...all I know is that May can't get here soon enough.......