wow I am his mistress after all.
Yes, that is me. Otherwise known, as Army wife. Contradictory, I know. Let's break it down. Girl meets boy, girl thinks boy is awesome because he looks HOT in BDU's. Boy and Girl fall in love..Girl says "I Do" Unfortunately Boy has already said, "I will" to the Army. It is not obvious when Girl says "I do" that "I will" has already been uttered. Boy makes girl think she is his world!
Then reality hits.....3 children, 2 dogs, 3 pcs moves, 2 deployments, hundreds of TDY's later, girl realizes that yes she is in fact the mistress and boy is married to the Army.
While some of you might see this as a bitch and complain story, I think most anyone that reads it will completely understand.....
90 days home and we hit a wall. Not a physical wall that causes damage that you can see. We have hit an emotional wall, a wall that slowly takes the will to try away. Not because no one wants to go over the wall but because neither boy nor girl know what to do to get over the wall. Do they break it down? Do they climb over it? Do they ignore it?? Who the hell knows...
All I know is that it seems like boy is some where else entirely. Not really home but not really gone. Oh sure he goes through the motions, but it just doesn't seem to be enough.
How does girl get boy to see that something is off? Without nagging or yelling or demanding? When boy got home from Iraq there were definite signs that boy was still adjusting to life at home. 15 months is a long time to live away from your family, we adjusted and we found our way. Just when things hit a smooth patch we had to move. Then came another deployment. Now here we are trying to figure out how to get over this wall.
Girl doesn't want boy to cook or clean or handle ALL of the domestic chores. All girl wants is for boy to make her his priority every once in awhile. So that she remembers what it is about him she finds so irresistable....TIME....yup that is what she wants. She wants boy to MAKE time for her in his life. To listen to what she has to say and really hear and understand where Girl is....I guess we will get there at some point...it is just taking longer to figure out how to destroy the damn wall....
until next time.......................
In answer to my own question....How do you break down that wall? You fight, not physically or emotionally. You decide what is important. Being happy and married or being alone. Then you accept that you have fault in whatever problems you have. Then you fight for your marriage and you fight to find that other person again! You remind them oh how much you love them and why you love them so much! You show them that they are the most important person in your life. The most important lesson that I have learned through the rough patch of our marriage is, responsibility goes both ways. There are few issues that are truly one sided. There is always a cause and effect. The sooner you accept that not every situation can be perfect and that you are not perfect, the sooner you can work out the wrinkles!
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